My word for 2012

Hello blog world! I know it's been a while since I've written and in a minute, you'll understand why. Every year it seems, gets busier and busier and goes faster and faster. Every year starts fresh with promises of something better, but gets lost in the chaos and craziness that creeps in right around mid-October and never lets up as we go barreling toward the holidays. So, as we begin this new year, I want something new. Something different. Something fresh.

I've often had a "word" for each year. One year it was inspire. I wanted to inspire people. Inspire them with the things I said, what I did, how I lived my life. I wanted to inspire them to action and to be more than what they thought they could. Another year my word was intentional. I knew I needed to be more intentional with how I interacted with people, shared my faith, loved my family. This year, my word is margin. Yes, margin. I need lots more of it.

This past semester I was painfully reminded of how little margin I have in my life. I'm a planner, so looking at my calendar and seeing almost every day full of meetings, dinners, appointments, and other tasks brought me oh, so much joy! I'll admit it. I love to be busy! But I slowly started to notice something....the busier I became, the less joyful I was. Life became more about surviving, than really thriving. I wasn't living life, I was trying to just get through it. Is that the abundant life Jesus talked about coming to give us? I think not. I realized I was so busy doing things for God, that I wasn't taking any time to spend with God! I was seriously messed up. And I knew something had to change.

So, my new year's resolution or whatever you want to call it, is to create more margin in my life. What does this mean? Saying "no" more. Will this be hard for me? You better believe it. The last thing on earth this people-pleaser likes to say is the word "no." (Thankfully, the Lord graciously gave me a husband who recognizes my need to be needed and gently helps me find balance, even when I would rather not admit the world can function without my help.) I will say "no" to those things that someone else really can do. I will say "no" to the things that could be good things, but saying "yes" to them means saying "no" so something better. I will say "no" to the things that bring me stress and create frustration in life. And sometimes, I might just say "no" simply because I can.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to a life that is a little but simpler, less busy, and more joy-filled. I want time for those unexpected meetings the Lord might bring, moments when I can truly live life, enjoy my husband, reach some goals, and most importantly, seek the face of God. So, next time you see me, I give you permission to ask me how my margin is. And I dare you to make room in your life for it too.

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God Bless America?

Yesterday we celebrated the anniversary of our country's freedom and independence as a nation. Though Justin and I missed out on the lake and BBQ, I did insist on buying a watermelon which was kept in the fridge until we cut it open last night and savored its ice-cold refreshment. It's just not summer until you have watermelon.

And though there was the excitement of watermelon and fireworks popping in the distance, this incredible nation that we've been blessed to live in is not without its faults. On Sunday morning the pastor preached from 2 Chronicles 7:14 and Justin and I have discussed several times since then the importance of that verse.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways.....THEN.....will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." I hear so many people asking for God to bless America. And yes, I want God to bless us as much as the next person, don't get me wrong. I definitely pray for blessing. But I wonder....according to this verse, His blessings come only after we have done our part. Only after we have humbled ourselves, prayed, and sought the Lord diligently, THEN it says, He will hear and forgive and heal.

I wonder....why are we so quick to ask the Lord for His blessings, but yet so slow to get on our knees in desperate submission and repentance for our sin which has so grieved our Savior? I am just as guilty as anyone, but this verse has been convicting. What a reminder. Though this is directed at the children of Israel, if you'll look at verse 13 you'll see that it looks like God has caused famine and plagues to come upon them SO THAT they will humble themselves... He longs for us to draw near to Him because He knows the goodness that awaits us. He knows what glory and majesty is there in stark contrast to the sin and darkness we prefer to wallow in.

Oh God, yes please bless us! But help us to turn our eyes and hearts to you. May we humble ourselves before you have to humble us and the consequences are far greater. May we understand the gravity of our sin and how far we've come so that we fall on our faces before you begging you to forgive our sin and heal our land. If the Christians do not do this, who will?

Again, please don't misunderstand me. I love America. I'm proud to have been born here. I'm so thankful for everything we enjoy here and I'm thankful for the men and women who fought for our freedom. I've traveled to other countries and believe me, I don't take that for granted. But I think we miss something when we expect God to bless us as we go about our merry way doing the same things we've been doing and refusing to change. He says "then...." Then. Seems to me I have some praying and repenting to do before I ask God to give me more than what He already has...
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Tribute to Dad

In light of our theme here on grace, let me take this opportunity to share with you how gracious the Lord was to me when He gave me my Dad. I have thanked God countless times for giving me the Father He did, and only as I've grown up have I truly come to appreciate many of the things my Dad has done for me through the years. Please understand, my Dad is by no means perfect. He's made mistakes and would be one of the first to admit that. But he has also made a lot of right choices and I can honestly say a lot of who I am today is because of him and Mom and the way they chose to live their lives and parent their kids.

A few things I've learned from Dad...

He has has faithfully modeled integrity for us through the years in the way he did business, treated my Mom, made decisions, etc. I've learned what it means to stand up for what is right, even when it's hard, lonely, and unpopular. Time and time again he has chosen to offend man rather than offending God and made decisions that brought glory to the Lord rather than himself.

He's taught me the importance of a relationship with God. A memory that has been seared into my mind is that of my Dad on his knees in prayer. Many mornings I would come down the stairs and pass his study where he was either sitting on the couch with the Bible in his lap, or kneeling on the floor talking with his heavenly Father. He modeled what he taught my brother and me and we could tell that it was real. He made all his decisions based on scripture, whether we wanted him to or not. He always goes back to what the Word said, and taught us at a young age to love and study the Proverbs. He is wisdom in so many ways.

One of the things I appreciate most about my Dad growing up was the fact that he always made time for me. He loves our Father/Daughter talks and always made a point to try to understand what I was thinking or feeling. If I was in trouble or had made a less than wise decision, he consistently sat down to explain why my actions were wrong and why he was disciplining me. Even though I may not have agreed and even been upset with him for a while, his gentle way of loving me and helping me understand spoke volumes about how much he cared. Today, we still enjoy our talks and I still go to him for advice and godly counsel.

I thank the Lord for the Dad He has given me. I am constantly challenged, encouraged, and loved through him. God has worked mightily in his life through the years, spared his life more than once, and continued to use him in the lives of many, even when Dad didn't know it. And He's still using him to teach, train, challenge, and encourage.

I love you Dad, and am so thankful for who you are!
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Jesus with skin on

I've been thinking more about grace and what it really means for our lives today. And I can't help but think about my recent trip to Brazil with DBU's cross-country/track team. We stayed in Sao Paulo for a week and worked with an organization called Mission Cena. The picture above is our team and some of the people we worked with.

Cena is a unique place in the heart of a very broken city. They mainly serve the homeless, drug addicts, prostitutes, and transvestites close to the part of town known as "crackland." Dirty streets are literally lined with people night and day smoking crack, digging through the trash, and waiting for life to pass by. Children and dogs run amidst the crowds and many are already being sucked into the drug scene. It's a picture of utter hopelessness and helplessness. A sore spot in the midst of a country with decadent beauty. Yet there is hope, and it's often shown through a group of crazy servants at the Casa Amarilla - the "yellow house."

This is Joao. Or John, as we all called him.

Joao took me to change money on one of the first days we were in Sao Paulo. With his limited English and my even lesser knowledge of Portuguese we tried to converse along the way as he pointed out things of interest. He was kind, energetic, and had the attention span of a goldfish. As we walked, every few blocks I was struck by something odd. Joao would stop and talk to almost every homeless person we passed. Heavily sprinkled throughout the city, people sat on street corners, slept in store fronts, and hid from gawkers and passersby under wool blankets. They were your typical homeless person. Dirty, smelly, unkempt. But Joao looked past all that and saw a person of worth. He touched them. Hugged many of them and even kissed their head. He talked to them as though they were his friends. And they respected him. To me, Joao was a picture of what it truly meant to be the hands and feet of Jesus. He got it. He didn't just talk about loving homeless people. He did it. And he did it well. He gave them their dignity. He treated them with value. I was moved.

Grace. It's not something that only the wealthy deserve. It's not something only Christians receive. It's not even something you only have if you're famous or attractive, or talented, or whatever. It's a free gift given to every human who ever drew breath by the Author of life itself. And He gave it out of unconditional love, not obligation. You see, I'm still struck by how very similar I am to the homeless men and women on the streets of Sao Paulo. I've made mistakes. I'm unclean. I'm often times a mess. But Jesus reached down from heaven and chose to love me just the way I am - because He wanted to. It's part of His plan. And we're called to do the same. I saw a lot of things in Brazil that week, but Joao's actions are seared in my mind. I find myself wondering, how do I treat people who are thought of as "lesser?" Do I really get what it means to be the hands and feet of Christ? Do I give people their dignity? Oh God, help me to be that. And thank you Joao, for your example of loving obedience.

I'm a recipient of the same grace and mercy He extends to the drug addict and transvestite. I'm no better simply because I'm American or draw a salary. It's grace. Pure and simple. And I want my life to be ruined by it.
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Hello!

You're probably wondering why the title "Ruined by Grace." And I have to say, it's not what I originally planned on titling it. But as I spent some time with the Lord tonight and continued thinking about what I wanted this blog to be about - and really, what I want my life to be about, these thoughts came to mind...

Reading through Isaiah 6 when Isaiah sees the Lord "high and lifted up," his cry is 'Woe to me, I am ruined!" For the first time, Isaiah saw himself in light of who God is. His perfect, sinless, majestic holiness. And it messed him up. He was undone. (KJV) Faced with the reality of who God is, he realized his life stood in stark contrast. Instead of falling over dead as he probably assumed would happen, he received a calling from the Lord to go and represent the King of kings and Lord of lords to a people corrupt in their sin. It was an encounter with grace. And his life would never be the same.

And so that is what I want my life to be - ruined by the realization of God's incredible, overwhelming, undeserved grace upon my life. Scripture tells us "to whom much is given, much is required." And I have been given much. Why? I have no idea. But may I be faithful to use my life for the glory of God. May I seek Him first in everything that I do. May I be ruined by the love and mercy of a God who is under no obligation to even let me enjoy another breath and may my life be marked by it.

Ruin my life, the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
'Till it's You alone I live for. You alone I live for.

Amen.
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